Now, before I get to the fanfic, I want to talk about NON fanfic. starsystems mentioned in her journal that we (as in 'we the people') should do a thing. A 'writes original fiction' thing. It's been a long time since I wrote anything original but I DO miss it sometimes. I may hate writing porn but I loved submitting to bb_shousetsu.
Does anybody else (not you, Meg, I know you do) write original things? Is there anybody else who WANTS to write original things? Should we do a thing? An unofficial, not organzied at all, thing? Is there anybody even interested in reading original works? I'm just thinking out loud here--but expect to see me pondering it at you.
Now, the fic!
(First, a word from our sponsors!)
ENTER! You know you want to!
"Really?" said Nino incredulously.
"Yes," Jun replied. Then, pointing to the paper spread across the table, "It's already been decided on. We didn't ask you because we knew you'd say no."
Nino narrowed his eyes. "How many times are we going to do this? Revisiting that old thing never goes well. Am I the last sane member?"
"No," Sho said serenely, "Now come over here and help us plan. And wake up Satoshi on your way."
"Oi," Nino said, shaking Ohno roughly as he sat down beside him. "Wake up."
"I'm old," Ohno said pitifully, cracking one eye open. "Why can't I sleep?"
Aiba reached over and patted Ohno's shoulder. "There's a boat, captain," he bolstered him.
Ohno's face wrinkled deeply around his pout. "As long as there's a boat," he said grudgingly, sitting up straighter and opening both eyes. "Where's the boat?"
Nino looked up at the waitress who came to take their order. "Be my witness," he asked her. "They're insane, right? That's enough to have them committed these days, isn't it?"
"Admit it," Sho said two months later, surveying their boat. "You can't drink coffee anymore and this was how you decided to get rid of your stockpile."
"It's a good boat," Aiba said loyally, patting the side of their vacuum-sealed-bags-of-coffee boat. "She'll hold up."
"I can have coffee," Jun snapped, sipping his cup of tea. "I just thought this was a good idea."
"I thought it was a horrible idea from the start," Nino reminded them all. "And it's held together with cling film," he said witheringly to Aiba. "We'll sink before we can get a hundred meters from the dock."
"It's a lot of cling film!" Sho and Jun protested together.
"This year we'll make it," Sho went on. "We'll make it for sure."
"I want to fish off of it," Ohno put in suddenly. "Nino said I could bring my fishing gear."
Aiba hugged Ohno gently. "You can fish, you can fish, Captain, but we all have to row so it can wait until lunch. Or trail out behind us, right?"
"If I get a bite, I'm not rowing," Ohno said stubbornly. "That's important."
"We're going to sink and drown," said Nino despite the fact that everybody was ignoring him. "Do you really want that to be a headline? 'Boyband Drowns in Bay of Coffee'?"
Sho put his hands on his hips. "We can make it!" Then he looked at Jun. "No coffee. I know the doctor told you no more."
Jun grumbled but stopped pulling at the side of the boat. "Tomorrow, we set sail."
"So, here we are," Aiba said to the camera. He turned to pan over the docks and the bay. "Today, we're gonna make it to our goal, the one that's eluded us for—hey, did Nino have a heart attack? Is it a stroke, Nino?"
Nino rolled over on the dock, flopping like a half-dead fish. "I'm fine. I took eight Dramamine."
"How are you going to row like that," Sho asked, struggling with his arm load of paddles. "You're practically unconscious. Satoshi, wake up."
Ohno rolled over beside Nino. "No. I'm old. Why can't I sleep?"
"Because you're going fishing," Jun put in, carrying a cooler chest full of beer. "We're going on the boat today."
Aiba turned the camera back on himself. "Yup, we can do this! It might take a while but—ahhh?"
"Sir?" A dock employee was standing over Nino. "Ojiisama?"
"I told you, I'm not dead," Nino snapped. "And don't you 'ojiisama' me; I probably banged your grandmother."
They all paused, turning that over in their minds.
"Well, what do you want?" Nino demanded petulantly.
"Ah, well, we've put your craft in the water but..."
"It floats," Jun said, "I can see it floating from here."
"Yes, but—according to your manifest, none of you is under the age of eighty-five," the employee said, holding out their contract. "The harbor requires that the pilot of any boat be under—"
"God damn it!" Sho cursed suddenly. "I thought this was ten years ago! Argh! I am so pissed!"
"Calm down, Sho," Jun said. "You don't want to have another heart attack. Who has a grandkid that can spend the day with a bunch of old farts? I can't remember where the hell most of mine live."
Nino rolled over with a groan and put his butt in the air. "I might have one but somebody is going to have to get my phone for me. I'm not sure I'm awake."
"You're awake and you're getting on that boat," Jun told him.
"And also, I think Oh-chan might have died."
"Leader?" Sho shook him.
"I'm old!" Ohno pouted. "And I'm still alive."
"Wait for us, Hatsushima!" Aiba called, waving toward the island.
"That's the parking lot, Masaki-kun," Sho said, turning him around.
Jun patted Ohno's head as Ohno struggled to sit up again. "Got any grandkids around?"
"You're not getting grandkids off of me until I get to be in the boat," Ohno told him.
"That's the spirit," Nino mumbled.
"Wait for us, Hatsushima!"